Quotes Illustrated: Awkward Edition


Traveling by carrot in the open air

Steel tubing free swinger

It looks dynamite with one of those beta fishes

Sexy vegetable legs

I've never had two bananas at the same time!

I'm gonna alter me some jeans

Diagonally across vegetables disease

And say the magic words: Afermative action!

30 smackers for a beast? Thats actually pretty good.

That'd be like a prostitute named 'Intercourse'

So I went to go grab my cat, and then she was like 'fuck you!'

I don't want to be part of the leaky orphus business.

For 15 years he ate banana bread.

21 year old pants... thats a really old pair of pants, thats like disco pants.

I don't like the look of this Irish Granny one bit.

Jack Frost nipped this bitch...

I hate my plant, it blooms like a fucking weed!

Of all the jobs I've had, I've never stolen anything!

Unless we are making burgers made of people...

Cancer Armstrong, have you all heard of him?

Brown sugar, why do you taste so good?!

Good with other home pets, like monkeys.

Get me wet, I'll absorb it.

Get your bits out of my ball!

Thats like a bitch slap to Santa and Jesus at the same time!

A special dancer really hurt me.

There are lots of animals with long teeth. Horses have long teeth... so do saber tooth tigers.

I formally apologize for touching your face.

The Yummy Mummy: an object of sexual desire and a reproductive vessel.

This is the stuff Vegas is made of!

Just put some tiger chest on your balm and sniff it.

Looking for great gift ideas? How about a rock tumbler?

His chest hair is in a Batman formation. Or a soaring eagle..

I had a Pop Tart once, I think it was purple flavored.

No injuries to report despite the fact she was hit by a chair.

Its like Jesus's hair was woven into a soft mane of gold.

Gotta get my hands on a miracle bathroom!

You'd look like a layered bongo.

Then he explodes them out!

What? I was making a Fairy ring!

Hey Soupspoon! How's your belly where the pig bit you?

Sounds like he's having sex with a plastic bag...

I hate eggs with a passion most people will never know in their lives.

The plumber is expected to fix the plumbs, not make love to the lady of the house.

When was the last time you saw a Fed-Ex truck driving behind a hearse?

Magic is a hobby I have, like stamp collecting, or friendship!

It smells like mushrooms and chainsaws.

Hey Mom! These come apart!

Your aura tells me you might be a rapist.

I need a nose hair trimmer!

Cher is probably God's dad.

I like your tie, can I have it when you're done?

I'm okay... are you weird?

Hi, I'm collapsible and made out of pine!

Aliens, and other religious symbols.